Middle-aged dating is not for the light hearted. After our dinner we discussed that he was going out of town, would be back the beginning of March and that we'd talk on Saturday night.
So he sent a text around 6PM that he had just arrived home from work (he often works on Saturdays), and I thought he wanted to talk. I read the text around 7PM and called. He was affable. We discussed his upcoming trip to CA for a convention, my shoveling the roof (for 4 hours), with him telling me "don't go on the roof", his daughter's birthday, my daughter's college tour and other such mundane things.
I guess, I was just hoping for more. I know it's been one date. I know he works many hours, days and it's been a long week. I know that it's my vacation and a kidless weekend. I guess I just wanted to feel more adored and less emotionally ignored.
Timing is everything. I don't just mean the antiqued three day rule or the who calls/texts/emails when etiquette of modern dating. I mean the timing in the process of where people are emotionally in their dating lives. We've both been apart from our spouse for three years. He is still in the process of divorcing (paperwork progressing ~ within this year), where as I was divorced within a year of asking for one. Emotionally that puts us in very different places. Then there is the timing of having our busy and fully adult life schedules dovetail or not. I guess I hoped with both of us free tonight and tomorrow there might be a moment in time to meet. Intellectually, I know that he's been working and tomorrow he has lots to do on many fronts. However, emotionally, I'd like to have a sliver of his attention in order to feel wanted (and I'm writing this after having talked on the phone for a half an hour).
I'm at the stage where I have felt alone for years, even before the separation and divorce, and now want to feel desired and adored. He seems to have been lonely and alone, too, but still has tethers to untie. Or perhaps, he's interested in me, but just not that into me?!
These are the slippery slopes of middle aged dating. How does one respect the process of getting to know each other, learning about where the other one is emotionally, how really available they are, and let the other person know where you stand with out being off putting or rushed or too patient?
I like to hope for the best, believe that he wouldn't arrange for times to talk if he didn't want to plan times to meet. Am I strange to want a next date to look forward to? Is it strange he isn't asking for one, but wanting to talk along the way.....
So I find myself sending him a text picture of myself shoveling the roof with a note saying to have a great trip (which I mean sincerely). The picture is a bit a of tease, as he doesn't want "me on the roof", but it's also to remind him that I'm alone and doing my own thing. So I have to let go, and see if the next time he texts and we talk if he invites me out again.
If any of you are middle-aged men or women who have recently or are currently dating; I'd love to hear your two cents on the subject.
Good Night, to navel and star gazers, G'night!
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