Becoming Breezy

Each night I write a blog entry in an effort to learn how to successfully get naked in words.
I'm trying to develop a style that is not too confessional, journal-like, or self conscious.
Yet it's become a daily message to the universe about the last thing on my mind before I go to sleep. Mostly, as you may have noted, they are affirmations of the salient part of my day, and attempting to be mindful. Last night it was a bit more vulnerable. When I said I had to let the irrational thought's go, I meant just that. Surf the process...be breezy (as a friend suggested today ala a Friends Episode, see scene clip below).

I love stories: movies, books, music, and dance. Love stories are a weakness. Cinema Paradiso comes to mind. Yes, I'm a romantic and it's in my DNA. I have two romantic parents. I've been in love, and only felt really loved back by one person (and I've thanked him for that last year ~ you know who you are).

Now I feel like a 16 year old girl who is learning how to date, how to read others and how to convey myself clearly. I'm happy with who I am and developing a more crystalline idea of my future self. I'm unpracticed at how to date casually. I was never good at it. I was an all-in or one & done girl. As I've written recently, I'm not just dating alone, my children and future self are present in my choices and decisions, too.

So now I have to learn how to be a graceful, easy and breezy dating woman. Be in the moment and not let my mind run endlessly on a hamster wheel. Not that it does, really. It's just that I've not been in a relationship, a functioning one, for a LONG time. So when I allow myself the indulgence of imagining a relationship with a nice, warm, sweet and sincere guy, I become wanton. Not desperate, not needy, not clingy or not pining, but curiously hopeful. The luxury of having some one with whom to share the ups and downs of life. Some one to be intimate with on all levels would be nice. Not necessary, but boy does it feel appealing.

It's not reasonable to put too many chips on the table too early. Nor is it acceptable to just walk away until the game has been played. It's a process, I know. It takes time, I know. It's a gamble, I know. It is chance, I know. It is luck, I know. It's organic, I know. I'm all those things, an organic gambler who believes in luck and many chances. It's timing that's tough for me.

These are early days in my dating life, at this current stage of life, and I'm just learning how to be successful at it, too. How to channel the easy, breezy covergirl while being true to my inner-future self. I imagine that one day my future boyfriend may read these missives to the universe, my self imposed lessons towards a new self, new love and new art. Breezily becoming a better writer and modern girlfriend material.....

Good Night, friends and future boyfriends, G'night!


( Friends Breezy Scene: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=nEwfSZfz7pw)