Pensive. That was a word my father used to describe me. When I was young, people used the word precocious. My mother used to call me Mighty Mouse. Words and actions.
I've been thinking a great deal about words vs actions. The old adage of "actions speak louder than words" is so true. The act of writing becomes a slippery slope at some point. I remember going to see Spalding Gray perform his collection of essays of the same title "It's a Slippery Slope" in SF. This was 7+- years before he committed suicide by jumping off a NY ferry, and at the height of his monologue powers. He was making his midlife choices analogous to his skiing trips. What acts or scenes from your life do you share, give voice to ~ show boat on a black diamond, and what acts stay hidden or silent or subterranean?
Some of the best writers and adventurers discuss this conundrum. Ernest Gaines, who I had the distinct privilege of sharing many meals with while we were both teaching in Maui, at the same conference, is famous for a line about just this point. He says, "Words mean nothing. Action is the only thing. Doing. That's the only thing." This from the man who wrote Lessons Before Dying and the Autobiography of Miss Jane Pittman. He also believes in being of use and respecting nature. And what he does is write, write, write and read, read, read. Write and read are verbs.
That is what writers do. So at some level I believe we are our choices. What we leave out. What we put in. How we show each other we care. How we hide that we don't care. One can say that they care, but if they don't put into action, through kindness, compassion, reflection, listening, and mindfully responding, then have they really cared? Love is a verb. Care is a verb, too.
Mindful seems to be both the word and action of the moment. It started taking on some weight a few years ago and now it's become a code word for a serious way of being. I think the melding of body-brain science, spirit-intellect communications and youth-age bridging is happening. It is a noun, like home. Tricky like home, too, as it all depends on the thinker's own definition.
I'm trying to show through the act of writing the lessons I've learned through the unique perspective of being me. The trick is how do I define myself in words? What to leave in, what to leave out.
Basics. White skinned. Yet I don't wear that privilege lightly, and I know it is one. I re-member it often. I'm sure most White Americans don't even think about it. And if they do, not too often or for too long. It's uncomfortable. One can not think about it without the guilt and horror of our collective history. Desegregation is only as old as I am. We are a young country with an old history of crimes against humanity. Yet we now police the world, in the name of humanitarian and democratic principles, yet we do not act on them at home. My African-American girlfriend is followed in the stores when we shop together. She makes more money than I do, she is a college professor, but she is followed, not me. It is a sad truth that as you get older in America, you tend to have fewer friends outside of your race. I've worked hard to not have that be true. I value my friends, especially the friends who have known me over decades and many decisions that have made me who I am now.
Not to mention my family........see the entry on my family representing the UN.
Female. Actions louder than words. Played soccer on the boys team in High School, as Title 9 and girls teams didn't exist yet. Played basketball with a basketball. Not a "girls/womans" ball, but a basketball. Title 9 brought about some odd changes, too! Receiving 75cents to the male dollar for the same work and credentials, has gone up to 77cents to the dollar in my life time. Woo-hoo. It's too long a list and there are too many personal vignettes I've yet to cull from the mind map of my life.
You see the basics, gender, race, and don't get me started on class, are very difficult to define. I've always wanted to just be seen as human, and I've always looked at others as just that, too. Human.
My kids say I talk to everyone and anyone when we're out and about. I think, of course, isn't that why we're here? To connect, acknowledge and help one another? All actions and verbs?
So pensive....yes I like to engage in thinking. Precocious. Perhaps I was, but I've settled down into terminally curious. And, Mighty Mouse. Yes, I have a history of doing things the hard way, independently and with all the strength I can throw at a task. I've tried to harness that impulse in more mindful directions, not buck shot all the time, macha-style.
So I'll end with a quote tonight about actions from a man who made bold choices with actions and words:
"Action expresses priorities" ~ Mahatma Gandi
So until tomorrow night, G'night!
(Photo: Me in Maine at 7-8: courtesy of Hugh Nazor)
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