Watched Boyhood with my boy tonight. First time for him, second for me. He'd been asking to watch it for a while. The first time, I'd seen it too recently. The second time, I wasn't sure I could emotionally maneuver it while watching it together. But tonight the the tenor of our moods, the homemade spaghetti and meatballs, followed by a fundraiser chocolate bar, put us in the perfect place for viewing it together. Plus my girl was tired and did not have to be factored into the mix.
The second time around I found it more elegant than the first. My boy seemed to absorb it; all of it. The family dynamics and divorce, the questioning of magic as a youth and the existential angst of the teens, the randomness and determination that is required to grow up organically. I identified more with the mother this time around. Last time, I guess it was too painful to see how similar our lives were. This time, it was okay, and I'm not worried about my own mortality or being alone with myself ostensibly 5 years from now in an empty nest.
Roots & Wings. That's what every parent hopes to give their child. A foundation to ground themselves in and the strong & flexible flight feathers to go out and explore the world so one day they can find a tree of their own to claim. My own childhood had kind a cracked foundation in terms of divorce and several moves. My kids have the divorce, but have spent almost 13 years in this house, a clear majority of their lives in this house. SF was so far removed from my son's consciousness that I took him to see the city of his birth last April, as it bothered him that he couldn't really remember it. However, until three years ago, like the plot line of the film before we join the narrative, my wasband and I fought frequently with thick tension filling the house. That creates it's own cracks in a childhood.
Unlike the mother and boy in the film; neither of us have moved onto having boyfriend (me) or girlfriend (him). My boy is 14 and will be in High School this September. I've been single for almost three years and have yet to be really dating anyone. The father in the film took a while to emotionally let go of his wife, start dating and then start a new family. The mother started dating quickly, married and divorced several times in the span of the boys 1-12grades, and ends up alone at close of the film.
I'm sure my boy will date when he's ready. I'm sure I'll date when the fates and Fortune decide to smile on me, or I get myself out and about enough to be "found".
But this film is really about feeling, listening, watching and reflecting. All things that we do too little of as our lives keep moving forward. My son wants me to recollect my stories. I want to spend as much time with both my kids before they flap out of the nest. Taking trips with them, playing taxi, helping them present themselves to the world and getting their footing is my role now. And I'm savoring it.
As I finish this both dogs are barking. They're barking because the local Owls are having a conversation that has grown louder as they've flown out of the Arboretum and closer to my house. I wonder, are they teaching their babies to hunt, or are they hunting for their little ones still? It's spring and it's supposed to snow up to 3" in the next 24 hours. Maybe they're just stocking up on some squirrels to keep the owlets warm and full while their flight feather grow flexible and strong?!
Good Night, to boyhood/girlhood/parenthood, G'night.
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