House of Cards

And so the binge watching of the latest season has begun.
I'm too tired tonight to give it a thoughtful address in words.
I have to get up early for an all day seminar tomorrow, but will share a review when I finish it.

I find myself drawn to this series (and no I haven't watched the Original British show), just like I'm drawn to Sorkin's Newsroom and West Wing. Only House of Cards is more along the lines of Macbeth, while Sorkin's political dramas are more Mark Twain meets Hunter Thompson.

I'm a sucker for layered references, great writing, strong narratives, brilliant and flawed characters, and being drama, unfolding dominoes of catastrophes! The acting is superb in HOC and the banter just a tetch slower than the speed of light Sorkin's dialogue.

The modern day moral dilemmas captured in HOC , combined with headline events and over the top hyperbolic scenes are addictive. Who will turn on whom? How far will each ambitious person go to reach their goals? When is enough enough? Who is really working for the good of the people and with good will?

Newsroom and West Wing represented a less brutal and less greedy view of political animals at work. The characters were tortured by the drive to do the right thing for the reputation of the government and the good of the people.

I like to watch people's motivations and mental prowess on parade. I like to consider, in an instant, what would I do, think, say in certain situations. Situations that most of us will never share with the politicians we elect to office. Situations we many never be privy to during our lifetimes, and as the history will be written by the victors and vindicated, not by those who lost or perished.

Tomorrow Obama and his family are going to Selma for the 50th anniversary of Bloody Sunday.
This week the ruling was made the Ferguson Police Department has categorically targeted, harassed, ticketed, violated and abused it's black population.
Also this week, Boris Nemstov was the latest Putin critic to be killed (I've lost count. 8th critic?)!
Last year the number fell from one in three American women will be raped in their life to to one in five.
Two steps forward, one step back.

If HOC is Macbeth, then Newsroom and West Wing were To Kill a Mockingbird. 

I must go to sleep now, I'll continue my binging tomorrow night.


Good Night, Rhetoricians and Rabble-Rousers, G'night!

Being Bold and Free

When I first moved to NYC in 1987, I worked for a publisher at a magazine. After a few weeks of working there, the publisher took me out to lunch. After we returned to the office he called me a "maverick" and "iconoclast". I was 25, a recent English Major graduate, but I had to look up both words when I got home from work. I was both thrilled and perplexed by these two words being associated with me, the wet behind the ears green horn in the office. As weeks turned to months and magazine publishing to books, I realized it was my bold idealism and genuine questioning that the publisher probably heard that day at lunch.

I think it's also being a New England Yankee, of the can-do cut of cloth, and having grown up in two households where "question authority" was a mantra long before it was a bumper stick or pin. It's often not knowing enough to be fearful, that allows innovation or a new approach to rise. When I was younger it was with puppy-like steps I'd walk into mostly male dominated fields (cabinetmaking, boatbuilding, diving) or decide to move from Portland, ME to Cambridge, MA to NYC within two seasons.

Yet, as I was suggesting last night, each move wasn't a matter of luck, but slowly listening to myself, setting just beyond my reach goals for myself. Earn a BA in English, apply to Radcliffe's Publishing Course, attend the Publishing Job Fair at the New Yorker, and decided to work in publishing in NYC.

That progressed to working in book publishing at a literary agency, and after years of apprenticing at the oldest and largest agency in NYC, deciding to move to SF to try my hand at starting my own agency. Starting the agency required working three jobs, seven days a week for three years, but then I could quit all but the agency.

When my children came along, and we decided to move back East of the public schools and family members, I decided to career change again. This time to teaching. First at Audubon, then Acton-Boxborough, while getting my MAT at Simmons, and now for almost a decade in Leominster.

Two years ago, I went on my first Educational tour, to the Galapagos, with teachers and students from  LHS. Afterward, I decided to try to lead my own tours. This June it will two years since I launched the trip to Australia/New Zealand and Oahu. We have 15 people enrolled and we're set to leave late June.

Only this week I found out that the tour has to be pushed up a few days, to accommodated the other schools that are being consolidated with my group, which was a growing fear of mine with all the snow days we've had. I spoke to one of my union reps and they advised contacting the Superintendent  asap.

This afternoon, fretting a wee bit about the politics of end of the year finals possibly conflicting with the trip, I called the Super's Secretary to make an appointment, and she took my cell number, but didn't enquire as to why I was calling, which made me skeptical. She said he'd get in touch with me.

As I left the building and was heading toward the staff parking lot, who should I see drive up to the High School? The Superintendent! I  hesitated for a moment, spun around and called out to him just before he entered the building. He said he'd received my message and paused.  I asked if I could have a minute of his time and if I could walk with him on his way to his meeting. He said he was there for the Science Fair. He then stopped and asked what he could do for me. We had a very succinct, sincere and successful discussion. It ended with a handshake, my promising to email him some materials, and plans to make the trip possible with solutions I'd already begun to form!

A huge weight was lifted off my shoulders! The burden of not knowing how to address the possibility of keeping two conflicting commitments had been eating at me.  Plus, the climate in our district right now is full of fear and uncertainty. Thankfully,  I felt none of that as I resumed my walk, out of the building, down the side walk and into my car. I felt free!

Freedom, most indubitably, lies in being bold, as Robert Frost, another dang Yankee, said so well  in the last century!


Good Night, Be Bold and set yourself Free, G'night!

Mystery Man #5

March 4th, the day I always want to march forth! Obi Wan Kenobi's voice whispers in the gossamer recesses of my brain, even though it's two months early,  May the force be with you. And also with you, I want to reply. March is the month I start to set new goals for myself. In the last few years they have been athletic and academic goals. This year, they are leaning towards the  spiritual, creative and romantic.

It's been two weeks since my last discussion of Mystery Man. It's been two days since my Badass Alpha woman post.  Thus it seems this is an auspicious day to try to bridge the two topics in my blog.

Two weeks ago, tonight, I went out on what I believed was a successful date. Three days later we had a nice half hour chat on the phone. Then he went to CA for a convention and I went back to work after February break. So in the last 10 days, I haven't heard a peep, nada, zilch. I've gone from feeling like a giddy 16 year old school girl, to feeling like it will take a great deal of luck to find a man available, truly, who is interested in me during a window of opportunity where he is really ready to meet me.

The Alpha-Badass-Hippie-Chick side of me says that luck is a four letter word. One has to create their own opportunities and get out in the world and live. Be present in places where other human animals will be enjoying the same things I enjoy. Be gregarious, be open, and take risks. As Obi Wan Kenobi says, "In my experience there is no such thing as luck." As I tell my students, half of life is showing up and being prepared. Most of the "luck" in my life was created just that way. Being ready, willing and able to jump in and go.

I've started doing that with my writing. I've developed a meditation routine that keeps me present and in the moment. I'm in the seed stages of figuring out how much time, attention and energy I have to really try to build a bridge between my everyday life and placing myself in situations that might lead to a man entering my life.

 As a wrote a few days ago (Alpha Female), I want Face Time with men. Texting, talking and emailing isn't the same as being together. I need to find a non-sleazy dance club or a open mic night or something to dip into when I have the time and restless energy. I need to research such places. Ask single girlfriends to go out on the prowl with me. Yet aligning that in a spontaneous way is hard, since most of us have kids, primary custody and demanding careers. So I'll be looking into Blues/Jazz/Dance clubs.

Outside I can't wait for the ice to melt on Walden. I'm going to be more proactive in finding a group or club that swims there regularly. Dog walk groups might be nice, too. It's hard to be authentic and strategic at this age and stage. Maybe a writing workshop this summer. I've look into quite a few Memoir programs. Hard to find an affordable, local, and professional match. Perhaps, a yoga and meditation retreat weekend for singles?  To thine own self be true....and maybe I'll meet you?

So hears to Marching Forth into a New Year by creating opportunities, being prepared and showing up. May my writing get better, chances for love increase and  feet stay grounded along the way!

Good Night, Jedi's of middle age romance, G'night!

Endurance exam

As I write this I hear sleet falling on the skylights above my bed. Since it grew dark, a good 3-4" of snow fell and needed to be shoveled by the back door, as I didn't want it frozen shut in the morning. By morning it may well have all turned to rain and when I return home tomorrow afternoon it's forecasted that the temperatures may reach the mid-40's! This is why March into April is known as Mud Season in New England, and boy will there be lots of melting snow to add floods to the mud.

The weather has beat me down. Usually I'd walk in the woods daily for a restorative outing with my dog. A nice way to shift gears between work and dinner or to sort out issues that my be squirrel caging in my mind. Usually I would have gone xc-skiing in the woods by now, but this year the few good days I've had to ski, have been days spent on the roof shoveling.

On one hand this has been a historic winter, and on the other hand, it was the winter that wasn't. The temperatures have been so cold that there has been real danger of getting frostbite more days than not. Sledding didn't happen, as either the house couldn't be left or the roads traversed or some combination of the two.

My feet are tired of being in thick socks and shoes. My toes long for air, earth and water. Everyone, everywhere, is admitting to being driving to distraction by the weather. It's truly conquered even the hardiest of souls this season. My students who are snowboarders, with Mt. Wachusett in their back yard, didn't fly down the mountain over February break. Too cold. Snow too deep  and powdery for their skis. Bizarre.

Now we're all becoming prognosticators of the big melt. People are talking about renting snowblowers to move snow away from their houses before a prolonged thaw. Because if the mountains of snow from the roofs starts to melt too close to the houses it will flood the basements, garages and, in some cases, ground floors.

Baseball tryouts are supposed to begin in a few weeks. There will be no ballfields cleared for the kids to use. Animals are starting to scurry, walk and trot over the human packed down trails, paths, sidewalks and streets, as it's too deep for them move quickly in the woods.

I'm going to have to shovel the piles away from the back of my house, where the banks are still above my ground floor windows. My house is on a hill and the back yard is well above the front. When it starts to melt, gravity will take the water into my basement and garage. The house wrens nesting in my garage might like it as a bird bath, but I'm not to keen on the prospect.

They say this current system of snow, sleet and rain is going to swirl around us for the next two days. After that we may have a few days in the 30's which feels like sun bathing weather to those of us now accustomed to shoveling, walking and hiking in -10+- for almost two months.

So to the sounds of sleet on my skylights, with an occasional bass beat of rain, I bid you all a fair night and no flooding.

Good night, seasonal emotional endurance friends, G'night!

Fearless Alpha Female

http://thoughtcatalog.com/brenda-della-casa/2015/02/15-things-all-badass-fearless-alpha-women-do-differently-from-other-types-of-women/

I've been seeing this list posted in numerous places lately and find it resonates with me. I've been told that I'm brave, daring, fearless and things of that nature most of my life. I viewed myself as shy, slow changing and organic. Now I'm finally coming to realize that perhaps I am an Alpha or at least as it pertains to this list of "Badass" qualities.

1. They cultivate a life they actually enjoy living
This is something I've always aspired to do. I've not wanted to live a life of regrets nor be living a lie. To be of use and surrounded by positive forces and people I love is what brings me joy. I have to keep evolving as I grow and change; like a hermit crab who has to move to a new shell when it outgrows the last one.

2. They make their move.
I've been known to be bold when it comes to men, decisions and choices. If I want something, I go for it. I'm willing to put in the time and effort to achieve my goals; romantic, adventure, academic and otherwise.

3. They don’t put themselves down.
The only time I've done that was as a teenager and in my marriage. In both cases I let go of the reins to my own life. Both times I grabbed them up again and chose a new path.

4. They don’t need a boyfriend but they’re open to having a partner.
As you know from reading my blog; I'm content, but I'd like to find some one in my same stage of life, state of being and parallel schedule to be with over time. 

5. They don’t waste time wishing.
I do try to learn from my mistakes and move forward. The power of suggesting a positive scenario and working towards that in earnest is different from waving a magic wand. Learning from life's lessons, making corrections and moving forward is how we evolve while we're living.

6. They call people out.
As I've become older, I've become more subtle with this skill and hopefully more just in my abilities. As a girl, I'd defend boys on the play grounds or my sister at the bus stop as a tween my families' honor in the school halls, later politics and finally the life of ideas (publishing & teaching).

7. They know when to walk away.
I asked for the divorce, I left the boat, I've ended toxic friendships and so on. Being a human pretzel isn't being human. Nor it a way of being that I want to model for my children or student or readers. 

8. They expect FaceTime.
This is why I'm no good at online dating. I've learned you have to strike hard and fast and meet face to face as soon as possible. If I'm compatible in writing and continue to text or talk on the phone it does me no good. I have to meet the guy and find out. I want to share the same air and be together in order to learn about them. Thus my historical  one and done or jumping in with both feet. Now it's harder to swim in the right pools, that aren't made of digits.

9. They give themselves a real chance to meet someone.
This is why, once the weather gets nicer, I'm going to return to my swimming holes, expand my human animal pastures in the non-digital world. Once New England comes out of this extreme winter and we leave our hibernation states...back to flirting and finding the watering hole where folks in their 50's go to Dance!

10. They don’t pretend they’re on an episode of “The Bachelor.”
Grossest of reality shoes. Fairytales on meth. Can't stomach it for a second. 

11. They also don’t pretend they’re a Kardashian.
Not entitled. Not wanting to be rich and famous. Yuck.

12. They see themselves as an investment.
Yes. Always have and always will. My friends and family are my treasures, too. 

13. They don’t play the victim.
Nope. Maybe blind at times, but not a victim. I try to be victorious even with my failures!

14. They dare to go for it.
It's now or never. Again, I make choices based on would I regret not doing this? I'm not at all attracted to bunging jumping or sky diving, but seeing the world and all the ways to live on it. Yup.  Learning new skills. Yup. Risking being in love. Yup. We only have now. Only one body is our permanent home, until it ceases to be. Then back to the the energy cloud we go. 

15. They would never put their lives on hold to accommodate someone else’s idea of who they should be.
As a girl this was torture for me. My parent's voices in my head vs my inner voice. Those who know me, know that I've lead an "unconventional" life at different junctures. I know realize that it was my parent's unconditional love that afforded me to listen to my inner voice over time. I only lost it, and my confidence, during my marriage. But it's back and stronger than ever now. Hopefully it will find something to say to others that will be of use. And right now how I live will be a model to my kids and perhaps students.

Read the original list of antidotes in the URL at the top (from which the picture comes from, too).

Good night, Fearless Alpha's Everywhere, G'night!

Downton and Down Under

Been buried under quizzes I've need to calculate grades for before tomorrow's Progress Reports.
Been adding students and excursions to the Down Under trip since my last meeting Thursday PM.
Been meaning to catch up on last weeks episode of Downton Abbey that I missed during the Oscars.
Been keeping my roof from leaking, collapsing in and flooding through my kitchen.
Been task mistresses to my kids events, home work, primary needs between errands and chores.
Been taking precious moments to visit with family and friends, while keeping myself & dog(s) active.
Been hoping to get grading done before The British Baking show bake off finished (did I miss it?)!
Been storming out doors to watch deer families run down the roads when there are no cars.
Been chasing a woodpecker of the sides of my house, as it seem to think it's ripe for pecking.
Been meaning to do laundry, dishes and general house hold cleaning, to no avail.
Been trying to keep my promise to myself to write every day, or night, not matter what.
Been planning the Australia trip for almost two years and this week it will finally close.
Been looking forward to swimming in the Great Barrier Reef and still don't believe it's real.
Been dreaming of sharing this experience with my kids and glad they will be coming, too.
Been grading so much in this cold, dry house that my eyes ache and yet Downton's almost on.
Been doing nothing on the Mystery Man front ~ what will be,  will be (he's still in Cali).
Been dying to swim,  run, hike with some speed, but the cold and snow have tapped me out.
Been down so long that everything looks up to me....
Been an optimistic my whole life and I'll be darned if I'm going to go cynical now!
Been happy to have my health and love of family and friends ~ true treasure!

Enough dreaming of Down Under and waiting for Downton Abbey,
Time to watch and then straight to bed!

Good night, Downtoner's and Down Underers, G'night!

Lion-n-Lamb

It's minutes before March begins in ernest. At midnight I'll say "rabbit-rabbit" like I do at the beginning of each month, as I have since grade school. But I'll also hear the phrase "In like a Lion, Out like a Lamb" echo deep within my brain. And sure enough, tonight's weather forecast is for another 4-6" of snow starting tomorrow night and running into Monday morning! In like a Lion, indeed!

Will March go out like a Lamb, with an early exit, say around the Ides of March? Historically this has been a chaotic and troublesome month on the human psyche and political tensions of man. I'm teaching both Julius Caesar and Hamlet right now. Julius Caesar in the hand of Shakespeare etched the symbolic dangers of the Ides of March being a time of turmoil and unclear thinking. Brutus didn't tell Portia why the Senators had come to visit. Caesar ignored Calpurnia's plea to stay home that day, and instead was wooed by Decius' flattery and the promise of being vital to Rome. Hamlet fell in March after Ophelia drowned in February. She being pregnant, fatherless, with a brother abroad and Hamlet, seemingly mad and removed. Mid-winter cloistered confusion lends itself to mercurial March and the consequences of previous poor choices.

I've spent the day looking at huge floating chunks of sea ice, bigger than refrigerator sized slabs, while watching a pair of Harlequin Ducks with three baby ducks, fishing in, around and under the ice.   This, while watching, from ICA's observation room on the 4th floor, a regatta of at least 20 boats sail around the harbor. February in Boston with baby ducks and sailing boats. Yup, it was just at freezing, the sun high in a cloud free sky, and people were out and walking about. Our minds and bodies liberated by a little Vitamin D, a stroll and greeting others with smiling faces.

Meanwhile, inside two different buildings, half a state apart, my niece and my daughter were both entered in tournaments: Volleyball and Speech & Debate. Just as Caesar was returning home for conquering the last corner of the Roman Empire from Spain, and King Hamlet of Denmark had fought a war with Norway, the New England Regional and Massachusetts tournaments are raging full force. My daughter and niece both did well in their separate events, each spending 10-14 hours of today proving themselves to their peers under fire!

Now, I'm weary from a day of sun, art, family and good times together. It's been March for just a few minutes, and I'm ready to count some sheep to fall asleep.

May this coming storm be the last Lion we have to face this winter and may the lamb come early and softly.

Good Night, restless natives, G'night.