Thursday came, all convened, and hours passed as if we'd done this for a decade. We broke bread, ate heaping plates of delicious food; everyone having contributed and cooked (even allergy-free desserts for my boyfriend's son). I'm not sure if we sang or not, we often do. A simple Quaker hymn, although none of us are religious; it's just a tradition:
Simple Things: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYi9Vr8bHJY.
After pies and ice cream and chocolate turkeys the clan scattered. The four children, teenagers all, played quietly and riotously in the back room with the door shut most of the time. The adults sat fireside and discussed politics, personal details of their daily lives, concerns and desires. None of us had any inkling that we'd have the President-Elect who now occupies the Twittersphere. We were mostly Bernie, and a few Clinton, folks. For two of the teenagers it was going to be their first time voting; so the heightened sense of civic responsibility was palpable. No trepidation, mostly history excavating of voting records and bills initiated. The mood was mostly light, with occasional fiery inquiries. But what it was grand to have the discussion span three generations and be respectful.
In December, after not having a holiday party since my divorce and having hosted them most of my adult life, I felt like it was time to get back in the celebrating the season saddle. As a single woman I'd done cookie swaps. As a business owner it turned to thanking my clients and friends by baking dozens of kinds of cookies and calling it a tree trimming party. This resulted in my tree being magnificently dressed to point of dripping, with ornaments from around the world and made from a diverse array of materials. After I married a Dutchman, the way to halt the ornament onslaught was to change the theme to Oliebollen, "oil balls", or dutch donuts, which he would make and we'd serve to all who came to a holiday open house we'd host annually. He made plain, raisin and apple-rings. All covered with a heavy dusting of powdered sugar. The kids and I made dozens of gingerbread folks and at least one Gingerbread house as the center piece of the party. When they were younger we decorated sugar cookie and even made stained-glass window cookies.
I realized that I was happy and wanted to thank the people who had carried me through the dark years in which my marriage ended, the change of course it took during the divorce and was then entering a new phase with meeting my boyfriend. I realized that it should be a Gratitude Party; and I invited all the people for whom I was grateful to have near and dear in my life. Some I don't see often, but with a phone call, text, or nudge, they just help me brighten up. Others I lean on as much as I allow myself to lean on anyone, and I wanted to give them a night of food, music, mulled cider and calm companionship in return.
The Gratitude Party was a success. For many it was their first chance to meet my boyfriend and the first chance to be in the house post-divorce or for more than a summer night BBQ. Many remarked on how little the wasband took with him...which is true. If you didn't know he'd moved out, you wouldn't. Another girlfriend was just entering into a divorce and I was glad she came; to see that there is light beyond the darkness and doubts. I'd kept the house for my children and it was finally being used to be happy and joyful.........for this I was grateful. For my family, friends and health I was grateful. Also to feel seen and loved by all; grateful.
New Years Eve. My kids, boyfriend and I attended our neighbor's annual party. Many other members of my family have joined it over the years, too: my sister, brother-in-law, and niece from ME, my Mom & Stepdad, and sometimes my nephew from OR. Last year they were all in attendance. We ate ourselves silly on my neighbors delicious bake goods, tasty dips and gourmet grilled meats. Again it was many generations under one roof and all contributed to the party. This year I had a man of my own to kiss, I was grateful and and startled at how my situation had change so dramatically for the better during the passing of a year.
New Years Day. My boyfriend offered to drive my niece and nephew back to Maine with me. I kept telling him about how Portland was the city where I most like to retire to and he was intrigued to see it through my eyes. We delivered the kids my siblings and stayed with my Dad and Stepmom in Portland. My dog, had never been there. It is a newly built condo and it was my first overnight in it. While were out at a lovely sushi dinner, Cora played "barkerella" and is now banned from the condo. However the company, conversations and coziness of the condo was very welcoming. We looked around the city and it's outlying beaches the next day.....recounted memories from the past and hopes for my future. He took it all in and shared some of his, too.
Valentines Day. Roses. Lots of roses. Felt adored and dreamy. Grad classes and grinding through March. Grateful for family and my boyfriend who tried to help when there was an obvious way to do so...but I learned I'm not very good at delegating at home. Spring came. A death of a co-worker struck. My daughter got into college and my son was having trouble in high school. Hilary and Trump won their nominations. My work load was insane. Yet I was thankful for my boyfriend who always checked in and listened. He's a great listener. So are many of my closest friends and family members. In this year, of all years, the art of listening should be elevated in the matrix of social civility. He invited me to crew Thursday nights on his boat and it was a guilty pleasure, a real weekly escape to the sea.
Summer and Sailing. Two of my favorite things. More racing and a two week cruise. One week with his one of his sons and a friend; one week just the two of us. Heaven. Didn't want it to end. I'm most myself on the sea and so is he......Time off the planet; away from news cycles, house maintenance and other tethers of responsibility; priceless.
Fall; My daughter is off to college and his son is too. My son and I have the house to ourselves. We go to my boyfriends for meals sometimes; he and his son come over other times. My son, boyfriend and I attended our neighbor's daughter's wedding in NH in October, a year after we started dating. How we felt is captured in the picture posted here. Then the election cycle came to a close; as did much hope in the heart of my family, friends and students. I'm going to be an active Tigger in the pursuit of open, respectful and vigilant conversations for progress. We must talk to those outside of our self-designed bubbles. I have that opportunity each day where I teach and serve my chosen community. I know for others that isn't as easy to practice without making some sort of concerted effort or taking a perceived risk. But it must be done for the sake of the future...for there to be one.
Thanksgiving is now upon us. My boyfriend and I are hosting at my house. We're going to be having 13 people over for our family potluck dinner. He's roasting the turkey and we're making gravy. I'm making braided cheese bread, stuffing, creamed onions, roasted brussel sprouts, and two pies. The other people will bring side dishes, desserts and appetizers. After I finish writing this I'm going to fetch some Golden Russet apple cider, "The Champagne of Ciders", from Bolton Orchards. I'm feeling thankful; deeply, sincerely and wholly thankful for all my friends and family. So I thought I'd say so here and now...before I get too busy creating some love, in the form of food, to give from my heart on Thursday!
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