Thankful Tuesday

     A year ago this day I was filled with trepidation. I'd only known my boyfriend for a little over a month and he, with his two sons, were coming to my extended family's Thanksgiving dinner. Was I taking this too quickly, too casually, too seriously? What did my kids think, what did his kids think, what did my family think? I did minimal preparations for the potluck meal, yet I was now adding six people to my mother's table. We'd already have to add a second table that would technically place several of the dinner guests outside of the dining room!

     Thursday came, all convened, and hours passed as if we'd done this for a decade. We broke bread, ate heaping plates of delicious food; everyone having contributed and cooked (even allergy-free desserts for my boyfriend's son). I'm not sure if we sang or not, we often do. A simple Quaker hymn, although none of us are religious; it's just a tradition:
Simple Things: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fYi9Vr8bHJY.

     After pies and ice cream and chocolate turkeys the clan scattered. The four children, teenagers all, played quietly and riotously in the back room with the door shut most of the time. The adults sat fireside and discussed politics, personal details of their daily lives, concerns and desires. None of us had any inkling that we'd have the President-Elect who now occupies the Twittersphere. We were mostly Bernie, and a few Clinton, folks. For two of the teenagers it was going to be their first time voting; so the heightened sense of civic responsibility was palpable. No trepidation, mostly history excavating of voting records and bills initiated. The mood was mostly light, with occasional fiery inquiries. But what it was grand to have the discussion span three generations and be respectful.

     In December, after not having a holiday party since my divorce and having hosted them most of my adult life, I felt like it was time to get back in the celebrating the season saddle. As a single woman I'd done cookie swaps. As a business owner it turned to thanking my clients and friends by baking dozens of kinds of cookies and calling it a tree trimming party. This resulted in my tree being magnificently dressed to point of dripping, with ornaments from around the world and made from a diverse array of materials. After I married a Dutchman, the way to halt the ornament onslaught was to change the theme to Oliebollen, "oil balls", or dutch donuts, which he would make and we'd serve to all who came to a holiday open house we'd host annually. He made plain, raisin and apple-rings. All covered with a heavy dusting of powdered sugar. The kids and I made dozens of gingerbread folks and at least one Gingerbread house as the center piece of the party. When they were younger we decorated sugar cookie and even made stained-glass window cookies.

     I realized that I was happy and wanted to thank the people who had carried me through the dark years in which my marriage ended, the change of course it took during the divorce and was then entering a new phase with meeting my boyfriend. I realized that it should be a Gratitude Party; and I invited all the people for whom I was grateful to have near and dear in my life. Some I don't see often, but with a phone call, text, or nudge, they just help me brighten up. Others I lean on as much as I allow myself to lean on anyone, and I wanted to give them a night of food, music, mulled cider and calm companionship in return.

     The Gratitude Party was a success. For many it was their first chance to meet my boyfriend and the first chance to be in the house post-divorce or for more than a summer night BBQ. Many remarked on how little the wasband took with him...which is true. If you didn't know he'd moved out, you wouldn't. Another girlfriend was just entering into a divorce and I was glad she came; to see that there is light beyond the darkness and doubts. I'd kept the house for my children and it was finally being used to be happy and joyful.........for this I was grateful. For my family, friends and health I was grateful. Also to feel seen and loved by all; grateful.

    New Years Eve. My kids, boyfriend and I attended our neighbor's annual party. Many other members of my family have joined it over the years, too: my sister, brother-in-law, and niece from ME, my Mom & Stepdad, and sometimes my nephew from OR. Last year they were all in attendance. We ate ourselves silly on my neighbors delicious bake goods, tasty dips and gourmet grilled meats. Again it was many generations under one roof and all contributed to the party. This year I had a man of my own to kiss, I was grateful and and startled at how my situation had change so dramatically for the better during the passing of a year.

     New Years Day. My boyfriend offered to drive my niece and nephew back to Maine with me. I kept telling him about how Portland was the city where I most like to retire to and he was intrigued to see it through my eyes. We delivered the kids my siblings and stayed with my Dad and Stepmom in Portland. My dog, had never been there. It is a newly built condo and it was my first overnight in it. While were out at a lovely sushi dinner, Cora played "barkerella" and is now banned from the condo. However the company, conversations and coziness of the condo was very welcoming. We looked around the city and it's outlying beaches the next day.....recounted memories from the past and hopes for my future. He took it all in and shared some of his, too.

    Valentines Day. Roses. Lots of roses. Felt adored and dreamy. Grad classes and grinding through March. Grateful for  family and my boyfriend who tried to help when there was an obvious way to do so...but I learned I'm not very good at delegating at home. Spring came. A death of a co-worker struck. My daughter got into college and my son was having trouble in high school. Hilary and Trump won their nominations. My work load was insane. Yet I was thankful for my boyfriend who always checked in and listened. He's a great listener. So are many of my closest friends and family members. In this year, of all years, the art of listening should be elevated in the matrix of social civility. He invited me to crew Thursday nights on his boat and it was a guilty pleasure, a real weekly escape to the sea.

     Summer and Sailing. Two of my favorite things. More racing and a two week cruise. One week with his one of his sons and a friend; one week just the two of us. Heaven. Didn't want it to end. I'm most myself on the sea and so is he......Time off the planet; away from news cycles, house maintenance and other tethers of responsibility; priceless.

     Fall; My daughter is off to college and his son is too. My son and I have the house to ourselves. We go to my boyfriends for meals sometimes; he and his son come over other times. My son, boyfriend and I attended our neighbor's daughter's wedding in NH in October, a year after we started dating. How we felt is captured in the picture posted here. Then the election cycle came to a close; as did much hope in the heart of my family, friends and students. I'm going to be an active Tigger in the pursuit of open, respectful and vigilant conversations for progress. We must talk to those outside of our self-designed bubbles. I have that opportunity each day where I teach and serve my chosen community. I know for others that isn't as easy to practice without making some sort of concerted effort or taking a perceived risk. But it must be done for the sake of the future...for there to be one.

     Thanksgiving is now upon us. My boyfriend and I are hosting at my house. We're going to be having 13 people over for our family potluck dinner. He's roasting the turkey and we're making gravy. I'm making braided cheese bread, stuffing, creamed onions, roasted brussel sprouts, and two pies. The other people will bring side dishes, desserts and appetizers. After I finish writing this I'm going to fetch some Golden Russet apple cider, "The Champagne of Ciders", from Bolton Orchards. I'm feeling thankful; deeply, sincerely and wholly thankful for all my friends and family. So I thought I'd say so here and now...before I get too busy creating some love, in the form of food, to give from my heart on Thursday!

   

"Normal is a setting on a dryer..."

That is what Alton used to say before it was a placard hanging in guidance counselor's offices. That phrase keeps ricocheting around my brain this week with the advent of "normalizing" entering the daily lexicon of what I'm reading.

Normal. Does that mean as set by a standard of normalcy? Of Tradition? Of a court of Law or Mother Nature? Americans were sick of "business as usual", or rather, the rusting of the political machinery that had come to a grinding halt in Washington.

Trump is already breaking the "norms" and 'Traditions" of a President-Elect; by going AWOL from the Press and changing transitions team members as soon as he entered the river of the White House reality. He did look "shook" after his 90 minutes with Obama, David Chappell was on the nose w/SNL. Normally, the President-Elect would put his holdings in a private trust and keep members of the campaign team close at hand assuming that had served up good advice during the proceeding years to the West Wing. Neither are happening, and the fringe are moving into the foreground.

Normally family members of the President-Elect are separated from the day to day operations concerning policy, trade and military. Trump wants them all in, up to the highest level of security clearance, while still running his global enterprises.

Normally a President-Elect doesn't have to face a trial for Fraud in first 77 days (now 69- but whose counting) between the election and inauguration:
 http://nymag.com/daily/intelligencer/2016/11/trumps-legal-gambit-in-his-fraud-trial-is-also-a-fraud.html.

Normally, I don't hear people every where I go (store, restaurant, library, dog park, post office, gas station...) discussing the same topic for days! And folks who voted on different sides of the ticket are talking to each other about "why" and "what next". So some discourse is happening that stored in people's heads and not out in the air before November 8th, and that's a good thing.

Politics, like religion, are topics we are "normally" taught not to discuss in "mixed company", at dinner or at work. But now we all are starting to do so. I've heard more candid  thoughts from people who voted for Trump, Clinton, Johnson or didn't vote than I've every heard before, during or after an election. I've always felt that not discussing religion and politics was a fallacy of logic regarding knowing some one fully  or being a part of a community, as we'd never learn to accept and respect our differences. They were silent and hidden. This would result in atypical behavior when some one "unknowingly" said some thing offensive. Thus the rise of political correctness, and starting phrases with "I don't know your politics or religion, but....".

Normally we didn't group ourselves with "others who believed differently" that we did. Yet I thought we'd come farther than that. 9/11 made us take stock of our global voice and how "others" reacted to it. Now I feel that we have to take stock in our domestic voice and, I'll write it again, not react but actively listen to each other. Listen, listen, listen and then talk. It's like the British Miners and Gay Pride activist who joined forces to be heard and respected:

"In a decade when a degree of homophobia was the norm, LGSM drove a couple of minibuses from Hackney Community Transport and a clapped-out VW camper van to a bleak mining town in South Wales to present their donations, uncertain what sort of welcome to expect. The events that unfolded said a lot about what it means to be empathetic, to overcome dissent and face common enemies: Thatcher, the tabloids, the police. They told a story about solidarity. " https://www.theguardian.com/film/2014/aug/31/pride-film-gay-activists-miners-strike-interview

1985 Reagan/Thatcher years in the UK...yet, against the "norm" people with different sets of problems who would "normally" have very little exposure to each other, let alone actively supporting each other, came together to do just that. "Prejudice can't survive proximity" was the take away line from that film!

Thirty years later the norms of prejudice continue domestically and abroad. Used to be the Haves and Have Nots, followed by the Know and Know Nots, and now we are entering the era of Learners and Stuck in Neutrals. This is why education, STEM and reading are so important. This is why class, race and gender identity need to fully understood, explored and owned by each of us; not to differentiate from one another or be prejudice or hateful, but the opposite; to transcend our "normal lot": and support each other to each of our abilities.

We all have to continue to not accept Normal as a state of being, but rather a starting place for discussions to build a common language, understanding and foundation on which to build a better country and global community for us all. We honor the national traditions that hurt no one and keep order, so we can progress. And try to look at each other as unique individuals who each have a place of respect in this country. I'd like to set our society to that "Normal" on a cultural dial and let peace warmly reign.

Hiraeth: You can't go back, You must only go forward!

How to move forward? I used to be one of those who felt that life was moving too fast. It was why when graduating from High School in 1980, I moved to Maine, lived on a boat and apprenticed under a cabinetmaker who didn't use power tools. By 1990, I'd moved from Maine to NYC to SF. I'd learned to embrace change and even had a hand in creating it; Manuscripts written in rooms on the WELL, first digitally-delivered multi-colored manuscript to numerous NY Pub houses, set standards for electronic text rights, long conversations with EFF/WELL/WiReD folks, fought Disney for Theme Park rights and so on. By the mid-90's, it was getting harder to see the future as it had become so vast a horizon. In fact it had gone global; like the British and Dutch Empires with navies, now the internet lead with Captains of Industry: The sun never set on the internet.

In the early 90's, I tried to sell a manuscript with a Forward by the former CIA Director, William Casey, regarding domestic terrorism. It stated that terrorism was increasing internationally, and would be continuing to escalate domestically ~ World Trade Towers hadn't been truck bombed yet (1993), and  McVeigh hadn't committed the OK bombing (1995) when I was shopping this text.  After them no one wanted to "sell that kind of fear"~ and no publisher would touch it, even though it was written by two renowned journalists (one had opened Eastern Block offices for Newsweek after the wall came down). You who know me well are sick of my phrase "what sells is fear and advise (or fear and desire)". Under Clinton the country sold desire. Most of us bought it, Internet Bubble and all. We kept inventing and innovating. We set our own hours and started "casual Fridays". I pitched books with a Harper's Index of stats to illustrate the future market audience.

Yet I still had the manuscript in mind when 9/11 happened and Bush decided to invade Iraq. Those same two journalists had the same reaction I did, " it's not Saddam, it's Bin Laden". History would prove us right and the powers that be wrong. We'd already moved from the 24 hours news cycle of the 90's to the 3 hours news cycle of the new Century. At that speed, if you repeated something often enough the truth could be buried or misdirected easily. We didn't notice that truth was disappearing, too. We just did more research with our new search engines (Card Catalog to Microfiche, Alta-vista to Google--I've done them all). We were the generation of Watergate, so we followed the money and questioned authority. Men stopped wearing ties, unless they worked in finance. Women wore tailored clothes that suited them, not men's suits for women. Being an agent required more editing skills as the independent publishing houses were being bought up by International Conglomerates, and when the music stopped there were far fewer editor's chairs under each roof. Electronic books began to gain traction. So did other established editorial content move to the web.

The Republicans ruled for 8 years. In that time the language of our nation became riddled with fear and rigid thinking. The Patriot Act, War on Terror, and Axis of Evil ruled the headlines. We weren't scared of Bush, but rather his policies home and abroad that spent down our budget, ruined our reputation with Allies and left many disenfranchised. Cell phones became everyone's pocket computer. News cycles sped up to hourly events; if they could happen near a East Coast meal time, good, but no longer necessary. Fact checking was getting looser, online and in print. System disruption was starting to be the new terror source. Terror of this kind was become many headed and globally run in cells as small as two people. Many editors started becoming agents and writers. Others, with the advent of Print on Demand, started to be packagers and publishers of sorts.

In 2002, I left city life, with my kids and husband, moved to the suburbs and started teaching. Once again trying to reflect, slow down, make a family nest, and do meaningful work. Obama spoke at the 2004 Democratic Convention and I was riveted. I read his books, along with Bill and Hilary's, and found him the better writer. I  pounded on doors in NH and voted from him in both election cycles. During the last 8 years words like "mindfulness" and "authentic" became the touchstones of movements, and industries, focused on paying attention to the self in relation to others and the planet. We were back to selling desire in the name of Hope. Overseas terror bombings started to happen with more frequency. Cell phones became our pocket computers; for good and evil. More people on the planet had cell phones than computers or TVs. News cycles sped up to the speed of light; social media made Barack's campaigns like none before. It could also make communication hard to trace. Raw data spilled over everything. If you could make sense of it, you'd win, if not lose or disrupt (which may have been the true intention all along).

May 2011 Bid Laden, the real 9/11 mastermind, was caught and killed in a theater of war staged by Barack Obama and Hilary Clinton. Also the Arab Spring started to flow in 2011. Again it was social media and cell phones that allowed this to happen. It went around and under governmental systems of tyranny. At home hackers were getting bolder attacking financial and governmental systems. Identity theft was on the rise. People had to be careful of keeping track of and changing their numerous passwords. The news cycles were just open 24/7. It came to your phone. Network/Cable news started to fall. Cable entertainment was at an all time high. Data mining began to be a valuable commodity; as numbers strained  through x's and o's became king.

The last 4 years Obama has moved Forward despite constant stonewalling and obstruction from the House and Senate. Internationally he has fared much better than Bush; travelling more and vacationing less. Domestically we've been schizophrenic, or a body of opposites. Hate crimes are up and Same Sex Marriage is legal. Black Friday is being rivaled by Shop Local Saturday. Makers are making and Materialists are buying online at record rates. Tiny Houses are up and Clear Cutting is still tearing our forests down. Technology and the life of the mind are in sync with Moore's Law;  we are all having to integrate our circuits twice as fast each year.

And now? Trump. All Data was wrong. A silent, none-majority won this election. The words now are "normalizing" and "truth" or worse yet, emojis. Driving through 5 states in 5 hours in October; I saw the signs ~ Trump/Pence. Plain as day. Where I teach, same thing. 48% Clinton, 48% Trump, 4% Johnson. They liked that he "spoke his mind", not "being politically correct". He Tweets! Small speed of light missives that can be corrected, but never apologized for, within heartbeats or headaches. He says he wants to "Make America Great Again". Hilary says America is Great and wants to "keep it that way going Forward". She doing what one does with a Japanese Businessman. She is saying "Yes, but..." which is the only way to say "No" and save face in negotiations. There is no going back (Hiraeth---remember the top of the page). There never has been a way back. We are a country of people who want opportunities and to create the impossible, not go back in time.

America said No to Hilary. They believe that Trump is a Choice for Change (my campaign slogan when I ran and won a spot as a College Senator). I believe we are all American. I believe that we are all dancing as fast as we can and trying to stay in the eye of a global hurricane. I believe we all want  work, respect, knowledge, health and a future for our planet. I'm a rural and suburban child of the 60's, who went to High School in the 70's, worked in NYC in the 80's & SF in the 90's,  and now have teenage children while I also teach teenage children. It's in my DNA to look Forward (did I mention my family on both sides have been entrepreneurs and inventors for generations?)! Yet at this time I'm not sure where to set my sights other than saying There is no there there. There is only this moment in which we can carefully monitor each move and not react to the policies and politician that are put in place, but ACT. Once everyone is done mourning or being excited (yes I have a few Trump voting friends) ~ lets get back to the American values  believing in a Future that is better than the Present. We must be kind, smart and vigilant.

We will probably have to not Want More, but may be happier with Less as a Goal, too. The planet and our population depend on that. That is a real futurist change ~ Less is More. Those who have never had Too Much, that will be hard pill to swallow. Those, who have just come up and into their powers, will not want to let go. But let me tell you, as a person more than half a century old: the first half of your life is about acquiring skills, relationships and stuff. The second half of your life is about acquiring more skills, maintaining your relationships and getting rid of stuff. Look up George Carlin's act on Stuff. He's says it better than I can. The American Dream, like the notion that we could ever go "home" again, is a myth. Let's write a new myth where even moving at the speed of light, we recognize, respect and resolve to help each other to move Forward and not slip back into the false myth of the past being better than the Now! No one is superior to anyone else! We're all in this together ~ w/love & respect ~ KN